Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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