I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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