I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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