apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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