He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
