I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
