I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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