my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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