I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
