i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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