i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize