Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
