You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize