I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
