wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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