They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
