i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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