YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
