You're completely useless in the revolution.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
