Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
