I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
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want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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