people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
