i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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