I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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