So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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