he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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