i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
