The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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