I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We have started to decorate penises.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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