He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
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How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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