i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
