It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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