The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize