when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
