I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
