i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, beer. Big fan.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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