my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
