I swear god or herbie drove my car home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
