Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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