I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
