I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
