Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
