She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
