Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize