My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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