I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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