i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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