I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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