I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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