When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
