Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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