i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
