I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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