Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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