Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize