I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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