Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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