There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
