can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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