I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
