im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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