well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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