Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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