Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
