oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
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No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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