Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
