We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
