I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
