i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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