let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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