If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
