So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
