So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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