Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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