and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
