Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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