smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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