Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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