Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
