That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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